The Folly of People Pleasing - Episode 47

This week Gigi tackles the topic of people pleasing -highlighting the folly of it and how it’s not just for “certain people.”   She shares crucial insight into the why’s behind people pleasing and offers the solution correcting our perspectives and ushering in freedom.  

 Resources Mentioned:

 Scriptures:

Psalm 37:4

Matthew 16:26

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Transcript

Aloha ladies. Welcome back. 

 People-pleasing. 

 The struggle is real. 

 And it's not just a temperament or personality. It goes deeper. 

 It’s actually a choice. 

 Now, some wrestle with it more than others, and if you aren't sure if you struggle with people-pleasing, here’s a few traits to consider: 

 You have a difficult time saying no- especially to “good things," like taking on extra volunteer opportunities or social commitments, and when you do say no- you feel guilty or anxious. 

 You struggle with FOMO- (fear of being left out- fear of missing out,) which often leads to overcommitting or saying yes to things that you don't really want to do. 

 You have trouble setting boundaries and asserting yourself. 

 You are always agreeable and accommodating –  constantly going above and beyond because you don’t want to "let anyone down." 

 You avoid conflict like the plague. 

 You are considered a perfectionist.  

 All classic people pleasing. 

 Although, I believe “people pleasing” is actually more than just this… 

 Let me explain, as I believe it is something that operates in our lives right under the surface- lying undetected and harmful.    

 You see, it’s really about pleasure and approval.   They go  hand-in-hand. 

 I argue that every choice, decision, reaction or response can be tied to "pleasure" and "approval."    

 Because we are wired to seek pleasure or comfort and to avoid pain, it's kind of most people’s “default.” 

 You see, a true "people pleaser" will prioritize others above themselves, seeking the pleasure or desire for approval, validation, and acceptance from others to avoid the pain of rejection or conflict.   They seek words of affirmation, acceptance, praise, and gratitude from others. 

 On the other side of the equation are those who prioritize themselves, seeking the pleasure of self (self-gratification and self-edification) and in the process avoiding the discomfort of self-denial.   Let's face it: most of us want what we want when we want it, and we will avoid doing things we dislike.   Heck, society tells us that we deserve all the best things in life.   So, when we pursue our own ambitions we gain a sense of success-accomplishment- achieving our own approval. 

 At the end of the day, both prioritize "people"– people are the focus (whether it’s others or themselves.)

 It all boils down to motivation- the why- the heart issue.   

 That’s the million-dollar question… 

 WHY do we do the things that we do?   

 What’s the priority? The center?  

 Is it yourself? 

 Is it others? 

 How about God?  

 It’s this third option that we frankly overlook. The one that matters the most because it is the only one that provides perfection in purpose, pleasure, and delight.  God’s approval of us. 

 Here’s the thing: When "people" are our center—our why—whether it's ourselves or others, we will always end up disappointed (eventually.)  Because people are fickle, we constantly change our minds. We are imperfect and unreliable, forever chasing contentment and satisfaction. 

 But when God is the center—the only one we are trying to please—He then becomes the motivation—the source of pleasure and delight. 

 And …  everything changes.

   Psalm 37:4 tells us explicitly to “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

 God delights in us, and He wants us- He invites us to delight in Him. There’s a promise- an exchange that fulfills the very meaning of the word- to give and receive pleasure, contentment and satisfaction. 

 Taking delight in the Lord means that our hearts find rest, peace, and fulfillment in His presence- His approval. 

 When we seek our satisfaction and worth in Christ, Scripture says He will give us the longings of our hearts—like self-worth, peace, happiness, joy, pleasure, contentment, satisfaction, and gratification. 

 PURE DELIGHT THAT COMES DIRECTLY FROM THE AUTHOR, WHO IS UNCHANGING, CONSTANT, AND TRUE. 

 It is in the unchanging nature of God that provides a sense of security and reassurance that is unmatched. 

 I believe that’s the caution we see in Matthew 16:26-  “What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?"  

 This world (the possessions and the people) can never truly satisfy our deepest desires or provide lasting contentment.  When we make it (the world, possession, the people) our focus it is to our folly! 

 Instead, if we choose to delight in God, seeking His presence and His way, making choices that reflect our desire to please Him FIRST, when He is our WHY behind it all then freedom comes because we are no longer shackled to pleasing a fickle creation; instead, we align with the Creator, who knows us even better than we know ourselves. The Creator who holds time in the palm of His hand and knows the very number of our days!   He alone knows what we need, when we need it, and what will bring us lasting joy and satisfaction.  Because He is our creator!  

 Ladies:  Realize that when the things of this world fade and life dims, only one thing will remain- God's love for us, so take delight in Him!  

 Choose to be a God-pleaser! 

 Putting Him first- not yourself and not even others.    

 What's so remarkable is that when you do… everything else will fall into place. Your dreams and desires- the ones that God placed in you before you were born- will come forward, and you will be so filled that your overflow will effortlessly spill out to others.   You are able to love yourself and love others because you are filled with God’s perfect love. 

 No more striving to earn validation or approval. No more peforming and perfectionism.  No more guilt.  No more doubt. No more people pleasing.

 Life is short, don’t make the mistake of allowing people pleasing to rob you of what God has in store for you-  because the only opinion that matters for all of eternity…. is the opinion of one!