Marriage- The Importance of Togetherness- Episode 30

Gigi embarks on a marriage bible study about Togetherness by Wil Lake.  Join her as she highlights some profound truths and insights from the first session about “Coming Together.” What does togetherness mean?   What’s society’s view of untraditional marriage, and the differences between a covenant and contract mindset?    For anyone married or thinking of getting married you won’t want to miss this study- the world offers a counterfeit that will never measure up to the best! 
Resources Mentioned:

 Scriptures:

Genesis 2:18-24

Malachi 2:16

 Togetherness: Couples Living Life Better Together by Wil Lake

 Suggested Worship Songs- “The Marriage Prayer” by John Waller

To Stay Connected:

Follow Gigi In Hawaii- The Tiny Spark Erupts on Apple Podcast & Spotify. Or click on this podcast RSS feed link and share with your favorite ladies in whatever way works best for you!

Sharing, following, liking, and positive reviews are the easiest ways you can join me as ambassadors and shine the love and light to others! Mahalo!

Transcript

 Aloha Ladies. Welcome back.

 Today, I'm shifting gears and want to talk about marriage. My husband and I just started a marriage Bible study that is off to a great start, and I think it might be worthy of discussion on this podcast. So, over these next few weeks, I'm going to share with you some of the highlights from the book Togetherness: Couples Living Life Better Together by Wil Lake.     

 But before we dive into this book, I’d like to share something…. my husband and I have been married for 33 years, and we can attest that marriage is hard! There are seasons to marriage, and I liken marriage to a roller coaster ride with many ups and just as many downs.   But one thing I know for sure there is hope, so whether you've crossed the 25-year mark or you are a Newlywed, there is always hope for a better marriage no matter the challenge, the low, or the season!   

 So, with that said, let's dive into the first session, which is titled "Coming Together."  

 What we see right from the start is that togetherness is God’s design.   We were built for community, and it began during creation.   When God himself creates man and woman (male & female.)   This creation story is found in the book of Genesis 2:18-24:

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them, and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky, and all the wild animals.

But for Adam, no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s rib and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

23 The man said,

"This is now the bone of my bones

    and flesh of my flesh;

she shall be called ‘woman,’

    for she was taken out of man.”

24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

We see from this that Adam needed someone suitable to "experience life with.” If you continue in the book of Genesis, you will find that God’s design for these two included:

 unity (they became one flesh); 

intimacy (naked, unashamed);

authority (to rule over creation), and

purpose (to bring forth new life and populate the world.) 

 To accomplish all of this- they needed each other. 

 Eve became Adam’s “togetherness partner” when Adam spoke the first wedding vows, declaring that Eve was "now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh," and their lives were changed forever. They were now connected together in the most intimate way possible—she was part of him—body, soul, and spirit. Two united as one. Togetherness. 

 [ I need to stop for a moment and share something profound my husband pointed out. He struggled as a kid with learning to spell the word "together," he realized that if you break down this word into "to-get-her," it is super simple to spell.    As we were reading this text together, we discovered that the word "togetherness" reflects God's design for marriage, which is found in the creation story.    Adding the suffix "ness" to the ending means a condition or quality of goodness. So, you see, when Adam went "to get her" (Eve), and they became one (ness), togetherness was accomplished, and it was good! Isn’t that cool?! ]

 Anyway, back to the story.  

 If you continue to read Genesis- you know that Adam and Eve even sinned together, opening the door for their marriage and their family to be broken. Togetherness was now going to be a struggle, as the door opened for anger, hostility, adultery, broken trust, and so many other togetherness destroyers are now at play that destroy marriages and tear families apart.

 What’s really interesting to me is to see how Satan has so distorted God’s design for marriage, and I'm not even taking into consideration same-sex “marriage.”  We can see right now Satan’s counterfeit work in the world’s view of marriage and just how far we’ve come from the original design.

 God’s perspective or design for marriage is the principle of "giving." It's the togetherness or "us factor" versus the world's view of marriage, which is the principle of "getting" or the "me factor."  From this, we see how our society speaks against marriage, promoting co-habitation with the idea that marriage has now become optional, disposable, or traditional marriage is a bad thing.   Honestly, I've been oblivious to how far we've fallen away from God's design. Opening my eyes and ears to new concepts of "untraditional marriage" that frankly horrifies me!   To get the full picture of these new concepts and terms, let me just read for you, and I quote-

 “Monogamish is a situation wherein a partner would allow sexual infidelity, provided the spouse was honest about it. Can you imagine? “Honey, I’m home. How was your day? Mine was great. Had some very productive meetings at the office. Oh yeah, speaking of productive meetings, I hooked up with the VP of Sales during lunch break. She came on to me, and I couldn’t help myself. Just thought you should know. What’s for dinner?” 

 Polyamory describes a person who is “in love” or romantically involved with more than one person simultaneously. In other words, a man can be married to a woman he loves and have a girlfriend that he loves at the same time. But in polyamory, all parties involved are in agreement with this relational arrangement and willing to participate. 

 Throuple is a word created to be similar to couple but mean involving three people. Throuple is more involved then polyamory, in that throuples have a permanent domestic living arrangement. For example, two women and a man living together would share all aspects of life as if they were married to each other. 

 Wedlease is a term that defines marriage as a short-term commitment with an “out clause” at the end of the wedlease term of their choosing. Instead of a couple making a lifelong commitment to each other, as at a traditional wedding ceremony, they make a three-year, five-year, or ten-year commitment period. When the lease time is up, they can decide to walk away without the hassle of divorce proceedings, or they can decide to renew the wedlease for another term. Apparently, marriage is now on equal footing with leasing a car!”

 Lake, Wil. Togetherness: Couples Living Life Better Together (p. 18). WestBow Press. Kindle Edition.

 YIKES!!!!   What’s next? 

 Folks, let me break this news to you. Things fall under the category of "traditional" because they work! That’s why traditions are passed down from generation to generation.

 For thousands of years, traditional marriage between one man and one woman has served all of humanity. I have to agree with Wil Lake when he says- “God’s design for marriage has been faithfully carried out, producing happy and fulfilled people as well as producing children to propagate the human race, just as God commanded Adam and Eve to do in the beginning.” 

 It’s a proven system that works!!! 

 But what we really need to understand is that even within the traditional view of marriage, there are two mindsets at play: covenant and contract.   

 A contract mindset is the societal view of marriage that says vows taken are a bilateral agreement between husband and wife and are dependent upon performance. Just like in any contract, if you fail to perform or uphold your end of the bargain, the contract can be broken.   This is where you will hear things like- “This isn't what I signed up for, and if I'd have known you were never going to change, I wouldn’t have married in the first place!”  Expectations not met- cue your exit.     

 On the other hand, a covenant mindset is God's view of marriage and is based simply on a commitment that has nothing to do with performance. It's a determination mindset, a covenant of love for love's sake. It's a commitment to overcome any obstacle and stay together until death.   Applying the biblical principle that love covers a multitude of sins.   There are no exit signs.    Malachi 2:16 tells us, "For I hate divorce! Says the Lord, the God of Israel."   God did not intend for marriage to be disposable!   To God, a covenant should not be broken.   

 Right about now, I'm sure there are folks thinking- well, that's great, but you don't know my circumstances. You might be contemplating divorce right now or have been divorced multiple times!   I want you to know that God loves you and wants the best for you!    That the key to wholeness, healing, and deliverance is Jesus!   No matter your circumstances!     

 Marriages can be saved, and divorces can be redeemed.  

 Ultimately, we have choices.      

 We can choose to extend forgiveness over our spouses and even over ourselves, whether we are married or divorced.      

 We can choose whom we will serve this day —will we serve ourselves and allow our hearts to harden, or will we choose Jesus? The key begins with seeking an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. That's how we maintain a soft heart, how we allow love to cover a multitude of sins, how we love others above ourselves, how we achieve a mindset of covenant and make a commitment that only God can help us fulfill.  

 Ladies:  In all things, doing it God's way will always be the best option! If you are married right now and things are great, or even if they aren't, I pray that you will know that there is no greater companion than your spouse.    It's the knowledge that we aren't created to live in isolation and that sharing togetherness with someone committed to loving us brings balance, joy, fulfillment, and emotional well-being for a lifetime. It is the very foundation of a strong family and friendship in its purest form!    And if you've suffered from divorce- it's OK.   God can redeem and restore. He is a God of second chances.